Let's Talk About Heartache: Part 2

"IF I'M NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED TO HIM, I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED AT ALL."

I said this line with utmost pride in front of my girl friends. I've always felt like my life was a chick-flick, I mean, why couldn't it be? I prayed for my prince charming all the time! Every day would be a request for God to give me the best person I can spend the rest of my life with, the man who will sweep me off my feet and call me his princess. This was my high school fantasy that came to life in front of my eyes. 

He was exceptional. A man with the kindest heart who always knew how to love. His heart belonged to me, his family, Jesus and the church. It wasn't hard for me to give my heart completely to him and vows of loving him forever entered my mind. 

Unlike my previous whirlwind relationships, this lasted for a very long time and forever felt like it wasn't that far away. Of course there were times when I fell short, but I made sure it won't get in the way. We both did. Everything was perfect to me until a loophole was created for sin to creep in. We decided to choose other things over Jesus. 

Our selfish desires starting fueling us instead of God's purposes in our lives. None of our good deeds and outward performance could mask the decay inside of us. 

After four years my eyes were opened - I saw that I didn't just love him with all my heart but with my heart, soul and mind. I gave him everything and in the process pushed Jesus out of the picture. 

I never would have foreseen that a love perceived to be almost perfect grieved the Holy Spirit. But this is exactly what happened. 

Through all of this, God never stopped pursuing me. It took me weeks before I gave in to God. It was long, stubborn, dragging weeks that seemed like a tug of war between me and God. 

But God's heart was so clear. He showed me that we have been growing to be unhappy people, not experiencing the joy and fulness of life that God has planned for us. 

And God wanted us to let go of each other's hearts, so God can hold them Himself.

It was the hardest thing I had to do. 

What brought me back to my feet was when I realized how God was more than patient. He did not just wait, but pursued 'till I was willing to submit in this area of my life. He did not give up on me and He never will. This is where I found out, for the first time that HE is INDEED the ultimate pursuer. 

Like what He said in His word, 

          The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
 I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
  Jeremiah 31:3

Who was I to reject him? Who was I to doubt His sovereignty? Who was I to abuse His grace? If what I had with this guy was beautiful in my terms, what God has in store for us will surely blow our minds. He is way beyond perfection. His love knows no end. His thoughts no one can fathom. We could never outlove Him. 

So now, I look forward to loving everyone not with my love but with the love of CHRIST and this is the kind of love I want to share to my future partner as well. 

I look forward to living this life after God's own heart and His desires just as King David did. 

I look forward to never getting tired of experiencing God's love all over again. 

This lifetime is not enough for His kind of love that consumes all of me relentlessly. What I ask now from the Lord is the grace to reflect Jesus' love wherever I go, whatever I do and whoever I meet. Since God is love Himself, there is no way we cannot love if He is truly in us. 

When I was young I dreamed to star in my own romantic chick flick. 

Today, despite the heartaches I know this to be true.

Because I'm with Jesus and a life with HIM is the best love story ever.

---

Jony Veloso is a Bacolodon turned Manila girl.  

She loves food, music and Shrek. 

She has a band called Rony and she leads worship at Friday Night Light.

Her favorite verse is Philippians 3:12 "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

You can contact her at ynojeil@gmail.com