FNL RECAP: What it really means to be single and ready to mingle by Paul De Vera

Paul De Vera's Love Story.

I always thought that I could never live “alone”… that this life was meant to be shared, in a romantic level, with someone who can love me back as well. Back then, I had long and short-term relationships that took much of my time and emotions. I had too much on my plate that there came a point that I decided to stay single… and be alone.

I realized that this was hard for me to do. So soon enough, I found myself in a relationship again.

It was the life I've always wanted… the promises were lasting, and the love was sufficing. Though it was wrong on so many sides, I enjoyed it. We named our future kids... we planned our future wedding... we planned future trips together, and everyday just seemed to be okay. In this bliss, I chose to put God in second place... or probably, in many circumstances, He was at the last place.

It was a beautiful picture of love –– but it ended, surprisingly, and painfully. Time had to overshadow all joys, and time brought in pain that I never really knew before. It was deep. It was deadly. 

In that pain, I decided to COMMIT SUICIDE. With loops of extension cords around my neck, I hanged myself and thought it was the best way to run away from fear. I don’t want to be alone, I said. God’s intervention that fateful night changed me and my whole perspective on things –– and I lived to share this story with you.

Finding my confidence in HIM, I now take on the world with revelations God has supplied through His Word. My journey in and out of love has shown me a lot… and I shared my learning in Friday Night Light’s PERFECT LOVE: Single and Ready To Mingle.

Much of the singles like me fear one thing: They don’t want to be FOREVER ALONE. It was never wrong to desire someone to love, at least the Bible has confirmed that, as we were commanded to “love one another”. The problem lies in this: what do I have to do with this singlehood? 

We have to ask WHY we choose to do what we do, and the clear answer should be PURPOSE. 

Here’s what I’ve learned during my own singlehood season:

1)    I HAVE TO MINGLE WITH OTHERS.

To mingle means to mix or bring together in combination, usually without loss of individual characteristics. [URBAN DICTIONARY: to talk to a group of people… to get to know people…]

The world has defined mingling in different ways –– to some, it’s flirting… to others, it’s sex… The Bible presents mingling in a better context and it exists in koinonia, or FELLOWSHIP.

To fellowship with others means instead of me looking around and finding which one can satisfy my desire, I have to constantly look out for others’ interests. It is a commitment to the goodness in social relationships –– that is, to ENCOURAGE, TO BUILD, and TO GROW. It puts purpose in MINGLING, just as how the Bible puts it:

Philippians 2:4 “Each of you should look not only at your own interest, but also to the interest of others.”

Hebrews 10:24-25

- consider how we may spur one another towards love and good deeds; encourage one another.

2)    I HAVE TO MANAGE ATTRACTION AND BE GUIDED BY THE LORD.

Two challenges in “mingling” is when you finally meet someone that catches your attention, and the other is when you still have to wait.

Attraction is an okay thing, but where it’s coming from is important to know. God made me realize that instead of feeding on the beauty of others, I am to ENRICH the beauty in them… just as how Adam was made to “work and take care” of the Garden [Gen. 2:15] and similarly, how our fellowship with JESUS purifies us and cleanses us from our spiritual dirt [1 John 1:7]. Enrich by encouraging others. Enrich by appreciating a better definition of beauty. Enrich by complimenting the hidden beauty of people.

To wait is maybe even harder than managing attraction, but if you know that GOD has a good, pleasing, and perfect will for you [Rom. 12:2], you can rest assured that He only has His best planned out for you and that He is so real, HE CAN DIRECT YOUR EVERY STEP [Proverbs 16:9, Psalm 37:23-24].

Along the way, if things are good and you are ready to be committed to someone, then by all means, go… But the common mistake is missing out on the fruit of this season…

3)    I HAVE TO ENJOY THE FRUIT OF SINGLEHOOD: FRIENDSHIP!

Many people hate it when they have been “friendzoned”. These perceptions make friendship devalued in the conversation about love.

FRIENDSHIP is wonderful. It is where God allows us to see the beauty of others –– to witness His work in the lives of different people facing different challenges and tests. I have been enjoying friendship now more than ever, knowing that the purpose, as with fellowship, is to encourage, build, and grow.

You can put love into action in FRIENDSHIP too! Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend LOVES AT ALL TIMES”. Even Christ, when He has chosen to call us His “FRIEND”, already exhibited the PERFECT KIND OF LOVE –– there’s no greater love than this: that a man would give HIS life for HIS FRIENDS [John 15:9-17].

God, in His goodness and mercy, already gave YOU and ME the PERFECT LOVE that no one can beat –– and we get to experience that in our friendship with Him. Whether we get into a relationship with someone or not, the value of friendship stays true, and the value of our relationship with God stands forever.

It has been a year now, and I say I have been enjoying singlehood. I got to know HIM better. I realized I was never alone. His words reassured me there is nothing to fear, because HE WILL BE WITH ME  [Isa. 40:2, Deut. 31:8, Matt. 28:20]. He also blessed me with friendships that encouraged me, built me again, and allowed me to grow!

I still pray that one day, I’d get to meet that special someone whom I will love with Christ’s brand of love –– that which is patient and kind, unselfish, believes, hopes, endures… the love that will never ever fail. Until that day comes, and even if it does not, I stand by Hebrews 12:2. I “fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.”