The Proverbs 31 Woman

By Rosee Alimon

There is a misconception that we are to be exactly like The Proverbs 31 Woman - perfect.  We would want to be just like her or fear that we will never be like her. Well, let’s look at her in a different light! Proverbs 31 woman is “perfect” because she is pursuing her relationship with God first, and then EVERY AREA of her life flourishes because of Him. It’s that simple. But we find it so difficult because we look to unnecessary struggles in our lives.

As single women, we struggle with so many things like discontentment, impatience, and the constant pressures of the world. Don’t you think so? We live in a world where irrational fears haunt us that we are not worth the pursuit, we compare ourselves with other women, we build our lives in pursuit of wanting our deepest desires to be fulfilled by other things or someone else.  Well guess what? If this is your only pursuit in life, then you will never find a solution to your discontentment, impatience, and the pressures of the world.

Jesus Christ is your True Pursuer and He should be your ultimate pursuit.

WHY?

1. Because He pursued you first

Genesis 2:21-22 ““so the Lord God caused the man to fall into deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”

The Lord caused the man to fall into deep sleep. While he was asleep, God made a woman from his rib, and then brought her to the man. To whom did Eve have a relationship with first? Was it God or Adam? Eve had a relationship with God first before He brought her to Adam. Her identity was first found in a relationship with God. God was Eve’s FIRST LOVE. He created her. He pursued a relationship with her. Not because she was good. Knowing what Eve did with the fruit, was she good? But God pursued her anyway. Similar to us, God pursues us not because we are good, but because HE IS GOOD. God is zealously after hearts, are we going to pursue Him in return?

2. In your pursuit of Christ in your life, you will discover the woman He created you to be and flourish.

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

The Proverbs 31 woman’s fear of the Lord resulted in becoming the woman that God created her to be. She is able to be a wife that pleases the Lord – one who respects, honors, and submits to her husband.  Moreover, she excels in who she is- she has a heart for the poor/an entrepreneur/etc.  How about you, single woman? Have you discovered the woman God created you to be?

Genesis 2:22 “…God made woman…”

The Bible didn’t say how long it took God to create Eve, but He surely devoted so much love and labor in creating her. In the same way, God says in Psalms 139 that “you are fearfully and wonderfully made, I knit you together in your mother’s womb…” Imagine, your holy and wonderful God, formed you with His own hands. Therefore, He formed you with unique beauty, gifts, and talents that are yours to exude.  As you discover the woman He created you to be, you just bloom. He simply adorns you with His beauty and you enjoy a fulfilling life serving God and others.

One of the best gifts that you can bring to our marriage someday is knowing who you are - discover your talents, your gifts, your passion, your life’s vision, your mission, your ministry, your principles, your core values, etc. God created you with those in mind, and He would love for you to discover those things with Him. Plus, you will gain a sense of purpose when you know who you are, and the more you can influence the people around you to Christ.

3. As you pursue Christ and discover the woman He created you to be, you become SET-APART.

Proverbs 31:29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

Women, wouldn’t you want to be set-apart from the world’s standard of beautiful? Wouldn’t you prefer a beauty to be cherished for a lifetime? Know that only God can adorn you with this beauty and it is up to you to receive it or not.

Being set-apart for Him is not done out of obligation but it is a natural response when you are so secure in His love. We are called to be set-apart from the pattern of this world by: (1) living a life consumed with the self to a life consumed with Christ, (2) yielding your body, life, and control to God, (3) allowing true masculinity to shine, (4) honoring God and your future spouse with your relationships with men, and (5) being Christ’s hands & feet who is ministering His love to those in need.  

Matthew 6:33

“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Woman, whether you are in waiting or in courtship, you are called to pursue Christ first. Just like the Proverbs 31 Woman, all the areas of her life just flourishes because of the relationship she has with her Lord.  Remember that your romance with Christ is simply enhanced, not diminished by your passions and your love story with a man.

So weather you are single, in courtship, or married, Jesus Christ’s will for you is to be satisfied in Him alone and the rest is simply an overflow of His love. Always remember that having a man or being with your man is not the focal point of your existence – Jesus Christ is meant to be the lifelong FIRST LOVE of your heart

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Rosee Alimon is an educator.
She loves loving people and sharing her time with others. 
She dreams to change the world through Jesus. 
She hopes one day to be a Proverbs 31 woman 
to her husband and future children. 

FNL RECAP: To pursue or not to pursue?

Do you recall the time when you had your very first date? Was it the most exhilarating and spectacular event of your life or the most awkward and embarrassing situation in your life?

Many of us, undoubtedly, have experienced that rush of a first date and the excitement of a new prospective relationship with another person. A lot of us as well have gone through the disappointment of having to go through a date with someone we cannot stand or even having to cope with bad memories of a once possibly beautiful relationship turn sour in a moment’s passing.

The dating game for millennials nowadays has drastically changed. Because of the fast-paced, internet-based, in-your-face, and self-centered case of our cultural context, we have resorted to a “test-the-waters” approach to see if there lies a possibility of something good; we go to “hook-up” with potential partners just to see if there is “chemistry”. Invariably, this will almost always lead to unbearable bothersome uncertainty and in my observation, results in a lot of unnecessary pain, paralyzing confusion, and incredibly debilitating views and approaches to relationships.

Thankfully we have the Word of God as aid, instruction, encouragement, correction, and guidance to our personal faith walks and journeys in life (2 Timothy 3:16) and that of course includes our love life as well. So whether you are single, in a relationship, engaged, married, or just waiting on a miracle (!), read on for a couple of dating principles from the Holy Scriptures and hopefully you’ll get a good grasp of whether or not you are ready to pursue or be pursued, and what it’ll look like once you are there.

FRIENDSHIP in the context of COMMUNITY

In my quest to seek wisdom for Godly dating relationships, I have found that we singles often bypass one crucial and significant aspect of dating relationships: we’ve foregone, in my opinion, the most important aspect which is the FRIENDSHIP. Any and all Godly dating relationships are founded and grounded on a solid firm friendship.

Proverbs 17:17 ESV

“A friend loves at all times,

and a brother is born for adversity.”

Too often do we go for gold right away: we eagerly strive to go into a committed relationship with someone without first getting to know that someone in the context of a friendship. What results is either disappointment once you discover certain aspects of the relationship that are not really working or worse, after a break-up ensues, you stay embittered and unforgiving towards each other. In this manner of dating, two strategies of BFF are often relied on:

A) BEST FRIEND FOREVER strategy : this occurs when one or the other party is put into an extreme status of friendship wherein there is absolutely no-holds-barred on sharing of personal space, information, and time. Consequentially, the victim is bound forever in the “friend-zone” because of a lack of constraint in relational privacy and closeness. The term in Filipino is rightly called “nambabakod” since the suitor is relentless in wanting to pursue and brings everything in the suitcase available just to win the potential partner.

B) BEST FOOT FORWARD strategy : this occurs when one or the other party showcases his or her best traits because they know that each one is looking to impress and captivate their potential partner. Always wanting to exhibit their better traits and hide their lesser traits, they put on a front so that the person they are trying to court would indeed reciprocate. This ends up often in a false depiction of the person and disappointment due to unreal expectations.

This is why God created communities (groups with common interests and pursuits) that we can learn to grow in and grow through our friendships with other people, including the opposite gender. These are the collective gatherings of individuals who aspire for something, perhaps of the same calling or vocation, the same career or ministry pathway, or just as simple as having the same hobbies. The main point is that a friendship that is developed, cultivated, and nurtured in the context of a community would more likely yield to a more authentic, grounded, platonic, and lovely relationship.

It is in the midst of such friendships that individuals get to encounter people of different backgrounds, interests, fields, and passions that really serve to expand and grow the person to whom these friendships belong. One aspect of it is that one gets to APPRECIATE or ADMIRE certain attributes and characteristics worth celebrating and upholding, the other being one gets to be WARNED or WARY of certain attributes and characteristics worth correcting in love or simply learning from as an example. I coin this the AW Principle, whether you’d be inclined to “aww!” (that was cute) or “aww” (that was not-so-nice).

Courtship and the Pursuit

So having FRIENDSHIPS in the context of a COMMUNITY to start with, you now have to prayerfully discern whether or not you are ready to pursue or be pursued. But before that, a disclaimer to some of you: if God has put you into a season that is not yet ripe to be in a committed relationship towards marriage, this verse is for you:

Song of Solomon 2:7 ESV

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,

 by the gazelles or the does of the field,

that you not stir up or awaken love

until it pleases.

If you are somehow at a time that it would not permit for you to really invest your time talent and treasure into a serious dating relationship, then my counsel is to withhold it until a proper time. This is true for those of you who might still be finishing your studies, having a transition of moving to another city or work place, or just having a career path that requires you to travel or be away on extended periods of time; there are countless of other reasons why it may not be time yet and that is why this should be decided on with the utmost prayer and backed up by wise counsel and advice from Godly leaders, mentors, and friends.

2 Timothy 2:22 ESV

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

If on the other hand you are a Twenty Something starting out in your career and trying to live and work in a steady pace, then by all means, I would advise you to start praying and thinking about such things as pursuing and planning for that season of your life (if God has given you the desire to have a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage). For the millennials, these are the income-generating and capital-saving decades of our lives and mostly where the ‘infrastructure’ of our future pursuit, calling, and vocation will come into play. So as early as now, it would actually be good to start considering these things.

Finally, it all boils down to one virtue and a question--which helps in having a self-check, heart-check, and character-check—in really discerning if you are ready for the pursuit of a mate:

Ask yourself:

“Am I grounded in the Lord that I can pursue a relationship that won’t lead me on the

path of idolatry (worshipping something or someone above God),

immorality (disobeying God’s ways),

and spousal-worship (placing potential partners as functional saviors who try to satisfy us)?”

And I’ll leave you with this,

“Focusing on Christ as your first love is crucial in making any dating relationship work towards marriage. The closer each of you is to God, the closer He leads you towards each other (tri-angular approach to relationships with God being the axis point).”

There is no cookie-cutter prerequisite and structured story to any dating relationship. Each individual has his or her own story being weaved into a tapestry that is made holy and lovely by God himself. If you are in this season of life whether you are deciding to pursue or not to pursue, keep in mind and heart that God is in control, even of your relationships, but at the same time you have a part in pursuing God.

Almost Christmas. It's never too early for a little jingle bells.

Let's take a quick break from the love series and smell the air around us. To me it smells of rain and a hint of vanilla, cinnamon and freshly baked cookies. Yup, September is ending and the scent of Christmas is just around the corner. 

The Philippines celebrates the longest Christmas season in the world. Starting September, malls are printing their SALE signs, holiday hymns are being played on every speaker and dancing Santa Clause is probably warming up for his appearance in store windows. 

They say the best way to prepare for Christmas is to save as much, so you can give much. But what i've been learning lately is that generosity is giving not only our money but our hearts and lives to God and others. 

What does a generous heart look like? The Magi or who we know most commonly as the Three Kings is a slam dunk example. 

Scholars say that The Magi came from different lands. They travelled thousands of miles to see the King of the Jews, Jesus. Back in the day they had no cars. Just imagine the sweat, the sore feet, the stiff backs that came down those days. They were probably a bit cranky and needed rest but the moment they saw Jesus, they didn't complain, ask for a glass of water or act like divas.

They saw Him and responded with joy, worship and gifts!

"This is so different from the approach people often take today. We expect God to come looking for us, to explain himself, prove who He is, and give us gifts. When the right attitude should be to seek and worship Jesus today, not for what we can get, but for who He is.

The Magi brought gifts and worshiped Jesus for who He was. This is the essence of true worship – honoring Christ for who He is and being willing to give Him what is valuable to you. Worship God because He is the perfect, just, and almighty Creator of the universe, worthy of the best you have to give." (LASB - NIV)

This Christmas as we write our wish lists and deck our halls, I hope we never forget to put ourselves in the shoes of The Magi - focused solely on the beauty of Christ and giving everything just to be in His presence. 

Psalm 63:3 Because Your loving kindness is better than life, my lips will praise You. 

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I challenge you to check your hearts and motives for approaching the throne of Jesus. Is it all about what He can give you and less about who He really is? 

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Kaye Matriano is an advertising writer.
She makes music using the ukulele and loves writing about travels and God.
She loves pillows and blankets and has a cat named rain.
Her favorite verse is Psalm 27:4
"One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."
You can contact her at: kayematriano@gmail.com 

FNL RECAP: What it really means to be single and ready to mingle by Paul De Vera

Paul De Vera's Love Story.

I always thought that I could never live “alone”… that this life was meant to be shared, in a romantic level, with someone who can love me back as well. Back then, I had long and short-term relationships that took much of my time and emotions. I had too much on my plate that there came a point that I decided to stay single… and be alone.

I realized that this was hard for me to do. So soon enough, I found myself in a relationship again.

It was the life I've always wanted… the promises were lasting, and the love was sufficing. Though it was wrong on so many sides, I enjoyed it. We named our future kids... we planned our future wedding... we planned future trips together, and everyday just seemed to be okay. In this bliss, I chose to put God in second place... or probably, in many circumstances, He was at the last place.

It was a beautiful picture of love –– but it ended, surprisingly, and painfully. Time had to overshadow all joys, and time brought in pain that I never really knew before. It was deep. It was deadly. 

In that pain, I decided to COMMIT SUICIDE. With loops of extension cords around my neck, I hanged myself and thought it was the best way to run away from fear. I don’t want to be alone, I said. God’s intervention that fateful night changed me and my whole perspective on things –– and I lived to share this story with you.

Finding my confidence in HIM, I now take on the world with revelations God has supplied through His Word. My journey in and out of love has shown me a lot… and I shared my learning in Friday Night Light’s PERFECT LOVE: Single and Ready To Mingle.

Much of the singles like me fear one thing: They don’t want to be FOREVER ALONE. It was never wrong to desire someone to love, at least the Bible has confirmed that, as we were commanded to “love one another”. The problem lies in this: what do I have to do with this singlehood? 

We have to ask WHY we choose to do what we do, and the clear answer should be PURPOSE. 

Here’s what I’ve learned during my own singlehood season:

1)    I HAVE TO MINGLE WITH OTHERS.

To mingle means to mix or bring together in combination, usually without loss of individual characteristics. [URBAN DICTIONARY: to talk to a group of people… to get to know people…]

The world has defined mingling in different ways –– to some, it’s flirting… to others, it’s sex… The Bible presents mingling in a better context and it exists in koinonia, or FELLOWSHIP.

To fellowship with others means instead of me looking around and finding which one can satisfy my desire, I have to constantly look out for others’ interests. It is a commitment to the goodness in social relationships –– that is, to ENCOURAGE, TO BUILD, and TO GROW. It puts purpose in MINGLING, just as how the Bible puts it:

Philippians 2:4 “Each of you should look not only at your own interest, but also to the interest of others.”

Hebrews 10:24-25

- consider how we may spur one another towards love and good deeds; encourage one another.

2)    I HAVE TO MANAGE ATTRACTION AND BE GUIDED BY THE LORD.

Two challenges in “mingling” is when you finally meet someone that catches your attention, and the other is when you still have to wait.

Attraction is an okay thing, but where it’s coming from is important to know. God made me realize that instead of feeding on the beauty of others, I am to ENRICH the beauty in them… just as how Adam was made to “work and take care” of the Garden [Gen. 2:15] and similarly, how our fellowship with JESUS purifies us and cleanses us from our spiritual dirt [1 John 1:7]. Enrich by encouraging others. Enrich by appreciating a better definition of beauty. Enrich by complimenting the hidden beauty of people.

To wait is maybe even harder than managing attraction, but if you know that GOD has a good, pleasing, and perfect will for you [Rom. 12:2], you can rest assured that He only has His best planned out for you and that He is so real, HE CAN DIRECT YOUR EVERY STEP [Proverbs 16:9, Psalm 37:23-24].

Along the way, if things are good and you are ready to be committed to someone, then by all means, go… But the common mistake is missing out on the fruit of this season…

3)    I HAVE TO ENJOY THE FRUIT OF SINGLEHOOD: FRIENDSHIP!

Many people hate it when they have been “friendzoned”. These perceptions make friendship devalued in the conversation about love.

FRIENDSHIP is wonderful. It is where God allows us to see the beauty of others –– to witness His work in the lives of different people facing different challenges and tests. I have been enjoying friendship now more than ever, knowing that the purpose, as with fellowship, is to encourage, build, and grow.

You can put love into action in FRIENDSHIP too! Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend LOVES AT ALL TIMES”. Even Christ, when He has chosen to call us His “FRIEND”, already exhibited the PERFECT KIND OF LOVE –– there’s no greater love than this: that a man would give HIS life for HIS FRIENDS [John 15:9-17].

God, in His goodness and mercy, already gave YOU and ME the PERFECT LOVE that no one can beat –– and we get to experience that in our friendship with Him. Whether we get into a relationship with someone or not, the value of friendship stays true, and the value of our relationship with God stands forever.

It has been a year now, and I say I have been enjoying singlehood. I got to know HIM better. I realized I was never alone. His words reassured me there is nothing to fear, because HE WILL BE WITH ME  [Isa. 40:2, Deut. 31:8, Matt. 28:20]. He also blessed me with friendships that encouraged me, built me again, and allowed me to grow!

I still pray that one day, I’d get to meet that special someone whom I will love with Christ’s brand of love –– that which is patient and kind, unselfish, believes, hopes, endures… the love that will never ever fail. Until that day comes, and even if it does not, I stand by Hebrews 12:2. I “fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.”